How do we single out ‘real’ danger from all the things that can evoke the same bodily response? The real tigers from the shadow tigers?
The most obvious ones involve anything that presents a significant risk to our life, health, and well-being. These vary depending on our abilities and environments. Living in a war zone evokes different dangers than living in a suburban neighborhood and living with a physical limitation presents different dangers than living with black belt training in self-defense. Identifying the ‘real’ dangers is not the problem. It is identifying all the others, that feel equally intense and that limit our abilities to be comfortable and feel safe even when risks are low, that can be difficult to respond to appropriately.
My Experiences: College in a small city seemed to offer unfettered freedom! No one to tell me what to do. Endless opportunities to go places and do things. Surrounded by people from places and cultures I had never seen and with experiences far beyond my comprehension. I desperately wanted to join in. But leaving behind rules and woods did not open the doors I expected. Anemic social skills and the fear of displeasing others remained. I learned to smile and laugh to fill in for conversations about things I knew nothing about. I listened and watched others and learned how to say what they wanted to hear. I wasn’t really thinking, just reacting to the current biggest threat: not fitting in. My heart raced, breath quickened, and muscles tensed. I’d always known how to please others to feel safe, now it was just on a much grander scale. Tigers approached from every direction at all times of day and night.